


Miles To Go Before I Sleep

by orphan_account



Series: 1,000 Followers Prompts [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Magic, Asexual Remus, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of PTSD, Mentions of past abuse, Panic Attack, Pining, Sleep Walking, Sleep talking, Stammer, Stuttering, agender Remus, modern marauders, sex-repulsed Remus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 12:06:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5966839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Working the front door at a posh block of flats, Remus Lupin spends their nights watching the door, and occasionally taking a sleep-walking Sirius Black back to the arms of his flatmate.  Pining quietly, everything changes for Remus one night when Sirius' sleep-walking leads to comfort and emotional revelations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miles To Go Before I Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> So this is written for my 1000 followers prompt request. Posting early this week because the second half of my week is going to be busy, and I've also got two fics going I'd like to get sorted before mid next week. 
> 
> This one is for techno-tommo who wanted: A Wolfstar Non-Magical AU where Thai Sirius suffers from PTSD as a consequence to his abusive childhood. He sleepwalks and more often than not (because despite everything, James is a heavy sleeper) he wanders into the arms of the flat complex's doorman, Remus. Remus is agender, asexual (sex repulsed), and has a serious stutter speech impediment from his own childhood trauma. They only work the night shift at the complex so despite meeting Sirius every night for the last month, they don't actually know each other. Remus knows to expect a sleep heavy, thai mumbling, beauty of a person to crash into the lobby (they were warned by the last person who covered these shifts-if only that person mentioned exactly how beautiful this sleep walking stranger would be) at around one or two in the morning. Afterwards, Remus will gently guide Sirius back to his written flat number and forever pine

Taking their place at the desk, Remus grabs the chair and pulls it back. They’re in for a long night—as they are every night working the door of the posh block where too many well-knowns in Britain live. People come and go at all hours, but mostly leave Remus alone which is fine by them, as honestly making conversation is on the top of their list of things to never do ever at all. Not just because people are rubbish—which they are mostly. Not because people don’t understand the concept of pronoun respect—which they don’t, mostly. But because making conversation leads to awkward looks and often awkward, invasive questions.

“Oy mate, haven’t you ever been to see someone about that?”

What Remus would like to do is shout at them, “Oh my God, why didn’t I bloody think of that in the first place! Here I’ve gone nearly my entire life having trouble getting a single sentence out in one go and it never once occurred to me to ‘see someone about it’. Good on you, mate. Thanks!”

Instead they will just simply sigh and wave them on to the lift and pretend like it never happened. What more can they do, really?

Not that Remus has a particularly terrible life. They have a handful of friends—mostly through online means where they’re finishing up their degree because trying to debate in a lecture is difficult when it can—on their bad days—take them over two minutes to get out five sentences. But the job is alright, and not everyone in the building is complete crap.

There’s one in particular, a pretty ginger married to the bloke whose parents actually own the block—and several others. She’s a paediatric nurse and Remus got to know her one long evening after a particularly rough time she’d had where she’d been unable to save a toddler from a sepsis infection. Remus offered her tea and she didn’t even bat an eyelash at the stammer or the uncontrollable flinching that came along with it. Instead she let them take their time and after a while, the anxiety calmed down and the stammer was manageable and Remus sort of forgot for a while that things were a little different for them.

Eventually they talked about all sorts of things. How Lily was grey-asexual and she and James just seemed to fit. And Remus explained to her that they were asexual and sex-repulsed. Adding that to the fact they were agender, it made dating next to impossible, but she was always so sweet about it.

“When it’s the right person, it won’t matter.”

Remus wanted to tell her that they were pretty sure the right person didn’t exist, but it seemed rude when she was just trying to be nice.

*** 

“So you like they-them, right?” Lily asked one night after bringing over a cup of herbal with loads of honey—she’d noticed how Remus took it one night and honestly they wanted to cry at the fact that she remembered and got it so perfect.

Remus nodded. “Yeah. It’s p-p-preferable t-to anything else. N-n-n…” Remus took a breath and tried again. “N-n-not that p-people ca-ca….care.”

“Well I do,” Lily said, and plonked down in her chair. “M’only asking anyway because there’s this girl—well I don’t even know if I ought to say that. Thirteen year old kid and they started asking me all these questions about how did I know I was a girl, and have I ever met anyone who didn’t like any of the pronouns before? I didn’t know how to answer.”

“Thhhh…th-there’s r-r-resources,” Remus said, wincing a few times, and twirled the cup in their hands. “Online. I c-can send links?”

“Brilliant. Here…” Lily jotted down her email for them and Remus spent hours trying to find the sites that helped them best when they were questioning what felt right. Remus had never felt more comfortable in their skin once they realised they could shed the idea of binary because binary just seemed so wrong. So limited.

They were incredibly fast friends after that, if they weren’t before. She always stopped by the desk to bring them a sweet or a tea or something. Her shifts were rubbish, but she seemed happy.

And she also lived with Sirius Black.

That name meant a little to most Brits, the Blacks infamous conservatives, and Sirius and his brother a bit like the Kardashians in the way that they liked to make scandal over absolutely nothing and the tabloids liked to report on them for as little as buying a soya latte at Starbucks. Remus had read up one night after they caught Lily’s husband leading a rather confused looking Sirius back to the lifts. James offered Remus an apologetic smile as the doors dinged shut and Remus hadn’t really bothered to think about it again until one evening when Sirius showed up at the desk with his eyes half-open, unfocused, and mumbling a long string of Thai Remus couldn’t even begin to decipher.

“Mate, you alright?” they asked.

Sirius just continued to mumble, then began to rummage round the desk like he’d lost something and when Remus touched his hand, Sirius stopped, but didn’t move. It was then Remus realised Sirius was sleepwalking and with no one else round, and the idea of actually getting on the phone and attempting to ring up the Potters sending him into a spiral of verbal anxiety, they decided to abandon their post and get Sirius up the lifts themselves.

James answered the repeated knocks, running his hands through his messy locks. “Shit. I slept through it. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s f-f-f…” Remus licked their lips and flinched, letting out a long sigh after. “F-f-ine. He’s j-just lo-lo-lost is all, I th-think.”

Remus had to appreciate James didn’t seem put off by the stammer the same way Lily hadn’t been, and although clearly these people were far more posh and likely out of Remus’ friendship league, they made a mental note to be a little friendlier whenever James was in the corridors.

“I owe you one, Remus.”

Remus didn’t question how James knew their name, and merely handed off the slumbering flatmate and went back to the desk, grateful there hadn’t been a catastrophe in their absence.

And so it went for Remus Lupin, door person and occasional Sirius returner.

*** 

One thing that didn’t help even a little bit is that James slept like the damn dead, and Sirius, it seemed, was prone to getting up on the nights James was completely gone. It was only once or twice at first, and then Remus ended up with their hands full of Sirius at least three nights a week, sometimes four if the mood was right. 

Remus thought maybe they’d be a little more annoyed by the entire thing, only Sirius was rather adorable with his mutterings and occasional nuzzlings against Remus’ neck in the lift as they kept their arm round Sirius lest they lose him or lest he decide the lift was a decent replacement for his bed. And they wanted to hate it, or maybe dislike it a little, instead of quietly developing a crush that got stronger every time Sirius showed up in the damned lobby.

They wanted to groan every time Sirius’ little face came round the corner, but instead they looked forward to those nights they could put their arm round his shoulders and whisper comforting things, giggling at the little bits of Thai bubbling from that lovely mouth.

They never really saw Sirius outside of those nights, although on occasional mornings he’d be up early to go for a run in wild coloured jogging bottoms and tank tops that were criminally tight, hair pulled back in a bun, looking far too perky for a man who’d been up walking the halls half the night. He’d give Remus a cheeky wink and a mock-salute just as Remus was getting off their shift, and if Remus had been a braver person, they would have tried to say something.

But they never did.

Because they were not

They were a swotty nerd with too many jumpers and books and a chocolate addiction, and the inability to properly want anything for themselves.

It was ridiculous.

Remus, of course, was curious why Sirius tended to wander the corridors, and after a month, finally asked Lily who had come in looking harassed and tired, but wide awake all at the same time. She had a cup of tea for them, and when they pushed out the second chair, she took it with a grin.

“C-can I ask y-you something?”

Lily nodded. “Anything. I’m an open book.”

“Y-y-y…” Remus took a breath, knowing the topic was making them nervous, making their stammer impossible. “Y-your flatmate. Sirius?”

Lily’s face shuttered a little, eyes closing off. “Has he done something to you? He can be a bit of a twat, but he means well, really. He’s…”

“N-n-no!” Remus said in a hurry. “I j-just w-w-won-wondered why. He s-sleepwalks.” They rubbed their eyes a bit, trying to quell the flinching.

“Oh. Right er…” Lily bit down on her lower lip. “Well you know about him, right? His family?”

Remus nodded, making an affirmative hum.

“They didn’t report half the shite that happened the night he left, mostly because of the scandal. Sirius was paid off for his silence and I doubt he would have taken it if he realised the Potters planned on taking him in indefinitely. He and James were at school—I was there as well—they didn’t like me much. Well, Sirius didn’t. I was on scholarship and he was a bloody snob first couple of years. But…I digress. His parents were cruel, and he didn’t even realise it until he got to know the Potters and realised children weren’t meant to be beaten. Truthfully I’m not entirely sure of the details—James keeps those to himself really. But I know he went missing for a month, then turned up at the Potters and I don’t think he looked well. At all. He didn’t come back to school for a while after that, at least three months. Intensive therapy. He has PTSD now, and it causes him to sleepwalk. Mostly it’s harmless, you know.”

Remus swallowed a mouthful of tea and wondered how badly they’d misjudged Sirius. They’d thought him too posh and too spoilt and wondered if maybe this was the effects of drinking too much or drugs. It made them wish they had a little more than just night-time strolls back to Sirius’ flat whilst he was completely unaware of Remus’ presence.

“D-d-does he know I w-w-wa-walk him b-back?”

Lily shook her head. “James and I tend to not tell him when he’s wondering round on his own. It bothers him, you know? There’s nothing to be done about it, so as long as he’s not hurting anything…”

“H-h-h…” They breathed a second. “H-he’s n-not. I w-was just c-c-cu-curious.”

“Well we appreciate what you do. You could just let him bang round on his own til he woke himself up, but you don't, and it means a lot.”

“It’s n-no-nothing.”

Lily reached forward and put her hand over theirs. “It’s not nothing, Remus. You’re great. And if you ever do chat to him, I think he’d like to know you.”

Remus smiled and looked down because they weren’t so sure about that. There was a reason Sirius hadn’t been friendly with Remus before now, and clearly it was the fact that Remus only lived in this block because of this job, and everyone knew they lived in the employee flat which was far less posh. Remus did not mind being working-class, but people like Sirius—there was nothing to relate to.

*** 

It was four months later when it happened. Remus was sat at the desk and Sirius came into the lobby, but the words coming out of his mouth were far more intense than they had been before. He had his hands clenched, knuckles white, and he kept flinching like something was coming at him.

Remus felt worried, and got up, walking round the desk to Sirius and took him by the shoulders. “Hey. S-s-si-sirius,” they said. Sirius flinched, but didn’t pull away when Remus put their hands on the sides of his face. “W-wake up. C-c-ca-can you w-wake up for m-me?”

Sirius didn’t but the words slowed down to a light whisper, but they were the same. Remus was worried, so quickly hurried Sirius over to the lifts, keeping their hold on Sirius a bit tighter than usual. Pushing the button, the pair rode up to Sirius’ floor, and Remus quickly pounded on James’ door.

After a long while, Remus tried the knob, and it was open. Going inside, Remus glanced round with their hand on Sirius’ arm, but from what they could see, no one was home. Sirius wavered in the middle of the floor, and after hesitating, Remus pulled Sirius along the short, dark hall until they found a bedroom which looked like it could belong to Sirius. Easing him into the bed, Remus peeked into the other rooms, but the flat was completely empty.

Remus considered leaving Sirius, but when they poked their head back in to check on the sleeping man, Sirius was sobbing into the pillow, his entire body was shaking and trembling. His skin had gone peaky and Remus knew they couldn’t just leave Sirius to that. It looked like he was having a panic attack, at the very least, and Remus knew they couldn’t just go. Panic attacks were mostly harmless, but not always.

Taking a breath, Remus went in search of a flannel, wetting it before they went back to Sirius’ room, and carefully knelt beside the bed. They knew if Sirius woke to find a total stranger there, it could be worse, so they attempted to use soothing tones and begged their stammer to just go easy on them for a little bit.

“S-sirius, it’s okay,” they whispered, pressing the cool cloth to the back of Sirius’ neck. “R-r-relax.”

After a moment, the tremors began to subside and Sirius’ sobs died down. It was clear he was coming round, and Remus sat back on their heels a bit, waiting with bated breath. 

“Are y-y-you alright?”

Sirius’ eyes blinked, then he turned on his side to regard Remus carefully. “You…from the…” Sirius cleared his throat. “From the front door? Remus? Lily’s mate?”

Remus smiled gently, still pressing the cool flannel to Sirius’ neck. “Mmhmm. Y-y-you w-we-were having a t-t-t…” They winced and took a breath. “T-te-terrible p-p-panic attack.”

Sirius regarded them for a long moment, then swiped the back of his hand across his forehead. “You got me up here?”

Remus nodded carefully.

“Thanks. I…James and Lily went to his parents’ for the weekend and I told them I’d be alright. I have something to help me sleep, but I feel like shite after so I only take it when I need to but I must have forgotten or…” He sat up a bit and glanced at the bedside table where a small, round pill still sat. “Bugger. Was I out long?”

Remus shook their head. “N-n-not mo-more than a few minutes,” they said very slowly.

Sirius nodded. “Okay I…good. Thanks again.”

Remus stood, but hesitated as they looked down at Sirius who was awake now, but still peaky and trembling a bit in the fingers. “C-can I m-ma-make you t-t-tea? Or…s-something?”

Sirius frowned, but shrugged after a second. “Yeah I…that would be nice. Thanks.”

Remus beamed, then hurried into the kitchen, pleased to find it was very similar to their own. There was an electric kettle which they flicked on, then found herbal in the cabinet and mugs nearby. Preparing everything, Remus eventually took it all back and felt a little better to see Sirius had regained a bit of colour in his cheeks again.

Remus sat the tea tray on the side of the bed, then crouched on the floor near it, not wanting to invade Sirius’ space much as he recovered from his night terror. Sirius, for his part, glanced at Remus, but didn’t say much until he’d taken down half the cup, then sat back with a small sigh.

“You do this a lot?”

Remus shook their head with a small smile.

“Just me, then?”

Remus nodded.

Sirius gave a derisive snort. “That bloody-well figures, you know? I mean, I escape those bastards, spend half my sodding day dodging fucking paparazzi hoping to catch me at something scandalous—I mean I’m a bloody student for fuck’s sake, what do they want from me—and in return for just trying to live I get sleep walking and cute door people having to escort me to my flat every other night.”

Remus’ eyebrows shot up and they looked mildly concerned and frankly surprised that Sirius knew as Lily said she hadn’t told.

Sirius gave Remus a small shrug, however. “Yeah, James let it slip. I appreciate it, you know. I mean, I feel like a right twat but…”

“Y-y-y,” Remus stopped and sighed, then instead of trying to go on, just reached over and gave Sirius’s arm a pat. 

“You know, I don’t mind the stammer,” Sirius said very carefully.

Remus swallowed, then sighed and their lips twitched involuntarily for a moment until they relaxed. “Y-you were saying a f-f-few things. I w-was wo-worried. B-b-but I c-co-couldn’t understand them.” They then attempted to repeat the Thai—which they knew it was a very poor imitation, but apparently they did a decent enough job because Sirius’ face fell.

“Normally I say benign shit, you know? Oh look what a nice mango that is. Can I pet your horse…or whatever. That was…it was…” He ran a hand down his face. “Must have been a bad one.”

“You w-want me to s-s-stay?” Remus offered.

Sirius looked like he wanted to refuse, but in the end he shrugged and shifted over to make room for Remus who pretended like they didn’t have a job to get back to. Who pretended like climbing into bed with ridiculously good looking strangers was absolutely a normal thing to do. Who pretended like they hadn’t dreamt of a moment they would fall to sleep with Sirius’ arm round their waist, and the small face tucked into the side of their neck.

Sod the job.

This was so worth it.

*** 

Except the next day when they were unceremoniously sacked and their boss informed them they had exactly five days to find new residence. Remus phoned up Alice who showed up with her car, and they were in the middle of taking a box down to it when Sirius appeared in the lobby wearing bright pink jogging bottoms and a tank top with glitter lettering that read Weekends are for Waffles.

He froze when he saw Remus with the box in their hands, and held out his to steady them. “What are you doing?”

“M-moving. I w-wa-was s-sacked,” Remus replied, trying to sound like it was no big deal. Like they had opportunities to work anywhere and wouldn’t be constantly on the hunt because no one wanted to be patient with a stammer.

“Oh the hell you are,” Sirius said. “You’re not going _anywhere_.”

“S-s-s,” Remus tried to get out, grabbing for his arm. “S-si-sirius,” they managed. “P-please j-just l-l-leave it.”

Sirius was having none of it though, and pushed a button on his mobile and pressed it to his ear, raising an impatient finger for Remus to just wait. “Mummy? Hi. So I’ve a favour because your shite of a block manager or whomever manages the door person here is attempting to sack Remus. Remus? They work the night shift. Yeah right, them yes. No they were not at their post because they were helping me through a night terror. I know Jamie told you, I know he’s right there. Tell Jamie I forgot my pill and that Remus literally sat by my bedside all night holding my hand to make sure I was alright. And please phone that shithead and tell him Remus is not sacked at all.” 

Remus held their breath, watching the whole exchange and almost laughed at what a petulant, spoilt toddler Sirius acted like. But at the same time he might very well have been saving Remus’ job and considering everything, they couldn’t exactly be fussy about it.

“Thank you mummy, you’re my favourite mum, you know that?” Sirius laughed, then rang off and turned back to Remus. “Go on and put your things back. Here, let me help you. Hi,” he then said, turning to Alice who had watched the entire exchange with a slight grin. “How much do we need to bring back in?”

Alice giggled. “Just a few boxes, mate. No worries. Come on, Re.” She grabbed Remus’ arm and dragged them to the kerb. “He’s fucking gone on you, mate.”

“N-no! No he’s n-not,” Remus protested.

“Sure,” Alice said with a roll of her eyes. “You want my advice though, invite him for tea.”

Remus huffed because there was no way they were about to do _that_. I mean, they’d pined quietly all this time anyway so why change that up now? “It’s n-not like he’d w-w-want me. Look at him, Alice. He’s s-s-so gorgeous and I’m s-sex-repulsed and he w-won’t want t-t-to…”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Re,” Alice said, squeezing their arm. “You may be surprised yet.”

Only Sirius, it seemed, had a different idea about it because the moment Alice left—too soon in Remus’ opinion—Sirius threw himself down onto Remus’ old, but comfortable sofa. 

“You got Netflix in here? Because I was thinking pizza. Do you eat pizza?”

Blinking, Remus lowered down onto a cushion. “I s-sometimes eat p-p-pizza. Are you…d-d-do you…”

Sirius laughed and reached out, tugging Remus a little closer. “Do I what? Want to have pizza with you? Do I want to poke my finger in your cute lil dimples? Have I wanted to do that since the first day I saw you in the lobby? Do I make it a point to try and get down for my run every morning even though I _hate_ running? Because yes, Remus. Yes to everything above.”

With no idea how to even begin to react to that, Remus merely sat back and stared at Sirius with wide eyes. “Oh,” they finally said.

Sirius chuckled again, and actually did poke Remus in the cheek where a dimple would be if they were smiling. “Oh. Are you opposed to any of those things?”

“N-n-not as s-su-such.”

Delighted, Sirius tugged Remus closer and cupped their cheeks gently, running his thumbs across the flushed skin. “I fancy you. M’a bit of a mess though, as you can see.”

“W-well I c-c-can b-barely hold a c-conversation so I th-think we’re on even f-f-footing. But there’s m-m-more you s-should probably know.”

“Well listen…if it’s not too invasive, Lily told me about you when I told her how badly I was fancying you. Your sexuality, your gender. She wanted to make sure I understood, that I didn’t get involved with you before I understood what it all means. And Remus, I get it. I’m quite alright with it. I wasn’t pining away for you for a shag. I just really bloody fancy you.”

Remus blinked, then carefully reached out the same time as Sirius reached out, and then arms came round and Remus put their face in the crook of Sirius neck because was this really real? Did Sirius want them in spite of…well…everything?

They felt a small kiss pressed to the underside of their jaw, and when Remus pulled back, Sirius was blushing a bit. “Was that alright?”

“Y-yes. Yes.” And it was true, it absolutely was fine.

“You erm…maybe wanna go on a date with me some time?”

Remus couldn’t help their laugh as they cupped Sirius’ cheeks and nodded. “Y-y-yes. I absolutely w-want to go on a d-d-date with you.”

Pressing a small kiss to the tip of Remus’ nose, Sirius hummed happily. “Excellent.”


End file.
